Ask Edwin

Edwin shadow

Dear Edwin,

I know that you lived in the 17th century when you were alive. What’s it like being a ghost in this century?

Interested in Idaho

Boring.


Dear Edwin,

I sort of wanted a little more information.  Could you elaborate?

Still Interested in Idaho

No.


Dear Edwin,

I think you’re being kind of rude. Can’t you be a little nicer?

Irritated in Idaho

Dearest, I was not hired from my disposition. When you read the books, you’ll discover that I’m a self-serving, shallow, shameless  scoundrel…and those are my good qualities (Oh, have you noticed all the good words start with “S”?). What can I say about your time period? Your women are mere stick figures, your men fear color and sparkle (except that vampire fellow and that’s not the sparkle I’m talking about) and even your highway men are common illiterates. Carjackers they call them. Our highway men had class and style. In my day robberies were done with panache. When a highway man stopped you it was with a flip of a cape and a “Stand and Deliver” not some foul cursing and “Get out of the car, Jack”.  Who is Jack anyway? I could go on, but why bother? I’ve lost interest. Next question.


Dear Edwin,

If you could come back as an animal what would it be?

XXSmooch

Smooch to you too! Ha ha, I’m in a good mood. Let’s see—if I could come back as any animal? A large, lazy cat might be just the thing. Of course it would have to be a pet living in a sumptuous manor because I would simply have to have many pillows and a crystal bowl to dine from.  And I’d insist on being brushed at least twice a day. No mice for me either, ugh, such loathsome creatures. Maybe some salmon, a bit of chicken and a spot of cream would be in order. Naturally, ordinary collars would be out of the question, it would have to be a diamond encrusted collar or nothing at all. And I would have to be male, a mama cat I am not. You know—nursing and all, how dreadful. Yes, a pampered male cat to the queen, preferably with a luxuriant champagne colored coat and green eyes is what I’d be. Is that too specific?

Dear Edwin,

I think you’re hot. Have you ever considered a living girlfriend?

Oh my, how fascinating. Perhaps you should email me privately at ——————————– and we can discuss my “hotness” and your penchant for all things ghostly.  But I suggest you hurry before the moderator gets wind of this and edits my response.

Update:  Madam Moderator must have nothing better to do if she has time to take out my private email address so quickly.


Dear Edwin,

Did you believe in ghosts before you died?

I believe I didn’t care, so taken to its logical conclusion-that which I don’t care about does not exist- then  no.  However, I have since changed my mind.


Dear Edwin,

What is your favorite color?

Royal blue, no, scarlet. Wait, I adore gold. But silver sparkles look exquisite on me. I also love chartreuse, emerald, all the yellows (so bright and fun), bold orange tones and the occasional ermine browns. Who am I fooling? They all look gorgeous on me!

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